August 2000 Archives
Yeah, I realize this is a rather broad topic for an essay. There have to be thousands of reasons why people suck. I am going to focus on one specific reason, however. What is it with the recent trend among American moviegoers to treat the theater as if it were their own personal living room? Shut up already!
I fear this is merely a symptom of the greater ill we are suffering from in this country: lack of respect. No one, it seems, shows any respect anymore for anyone or anything (including themselves). Whether it be the rude motorist who disregards a traffic light and shows no respect for his own safety or that of other drivers, or simply the mischievous, teenage vandal who shows no respect for the property of others. This epidemic of disrespect culminates in the individual who sits in your aisle and fails to recognize that he/she is not the only person in the theater.
They may arrive alone, in pairs, or in small groups, but they all have one thing in common. They have come to enjoy themselves and they don't care one bit whether or not you do the same. Recently, I had my movie watching experience all but ruined by three fellow audience members. An infant, her mother, and another older woman, whom I presume was the infant's grandmother. The baby cooed and cried incessantly during the entire film. As the final credits rolled, and the audience exited, I passed in front of the three of them. I leaned over and said to the young mother, "Excuse me. Next time leave the baby at home, okay?" Once she recovered from the initial shock of a stranger calling her on her totally irresponsible behavior, she began to bob her head from side to side and called after me, "Mmm-mmm. When you find me a babysitter!"
Okay, now I'm going to refrain from making any generalizations, or stereotyping this young woman, but I must address what she clearly believed to be true. That it takes a village to raise her child, and that I (and every other member of the audience that evening) was somehow a member of that village. That I was somehow part of a vast right-wing conspiracy to deny her her God-given right to attend a movie anytime she pleased. Furthermore, that if I didn't want her baby to attend with her, somewhere within the twisted recesses of her mind, it seemed perfectly legitimate to expect someone else to take care of her baby, namely me, so that she could entertain herself. This shows a lack of respect for not only me, but the baby itself.
Another instance comes to mind that involved a young couple seated in the same aisle as I. They felt the need to talk. No, that's not quite right. They felt the need to discuss the subtle nuances of the film in great detail. And not in hushed voices either. Oh no. But in a normal, and wholly inappropriate, conversational tone. As if they believed themselves to be seated on their couch at home watching the movie on their DVD player. When I made the effort to be polite and said, "SHHHHHH!" instead of the words that were really running through my head, she had the nerve to ask out loud, "Who *said* that?" As if I had somehow just been rude to *her.*
Most recently, and the incident that prompted me to write this essay, a man brought his young child (probably no more than three years old) to an evening show of a movie (why do they always sit in *my* aisle?) that a three-year-old has no business watching in the first place. When the toddler became bored and restless, he made no attempt to prohibit her from pacing the aisle in front of her seat, leaning on and bumping the seat in front of her, and worst of all just talking and generally making a nuisance of herself. There was a general look of surprise and shock on his face when I crouched in front of him, one hour into the movie, and informed him that if he didn't leave with his child, I was going to notify an usher and have him removed from the theater. He subsequently collected his belongings, and his daughter, and left.
I am getting really good at these mid-movie confrontations. I'm actually starting to enjoy them. I feel that in some small way I am doing my part to educate the otherwise ignorant masses. I also enjoy the look of utter disbelief on their faces. They are either blissfully unaware of just how annoying their behavior really is, or if they are aware, they feel sure that in these politically correct times, no one would have the nerve to confront them.
Well, I do. I am not politically correct. I don't care about other people's child care problems. I don't care to hear their running commentaries. And if you cannot control your three-year-old, what do you expect to do when that child turns sixteen? Again, it's not my problem. I just want to see the movie I paid to see without the distractions provided by an endless parade of refugees from the Jerry Springer show. If you don't like it, you had better hope that I don't take a seat next to *you.*
