I hereby announce that I am organizing The Six Million Man March. Why? Because apparently a million isn’t enough. If you really want to get the government’s attention, it takes six million. Or maybe five million. But it’s something more than three million. How do I know? Well, remember back in February when everyone was supposed to switch to broadcast Digital TV? You know, the thing that had been in the works for over 10 years? The Neilsen Co. was reporting back then that over six million people were still unprepared for the switch, and since the US Constitution guarantees us all a right to television, the government stepped in, led by the newly-elected President Obama, to protect the rights of six million Neo-Luddites, technophobes, and other toothless morons who couldn’t figure out what they needed to do to not miss Deal or No Deal. Plus it was sweeps month.

Now fast forward to June. CNN is reporting that when the switch was made on Friday, there were still three million people unprepared. But wait, the government didn’t step in this time? Nope. No love for the three million. Sorry, y’all are on your own. So the critical threshold for government intervention (at least under the Obama administration) is apparently somewhere between 3 and 6 million. Geez, how many detainees do we have at Gitmo, anyway?